A scout's daily life - Part 1

In place of a foreword: There are people who change everything.

There are people who change your life just as you meet them. No matter whether they are humans of flesh and blood living in the same reality as you, characters from books or films, contactors from lucid dreams or entities from the universe-in-your-head. The thing is that they are alive. They are wonderfully alive and unique.

There are people who upon meeting make you suddenly recall every bit of your experience. Remember all the crucial points of your life. All your friends and acquaintances who have left traces in your heart. All the books you’ve ever read, all the films watched, all the music heard. As if you collect pieces of yourself altogether in the crystallization point and then test your endurance. And blow away the dust from those parts of your personality and memories you haven’t made use of for years and years.

There are people with whom you live in an unbelievable emotional strain, yet in all your might. You feel alive. You are strong. Burning bright. And these relations demand all your resort but repay a thousandfold.

***

This story may seem weird and confusing to an unprepared reader. It’s not a roman, not a literary work at all even though it had every chance to become one. It had – if some beautiful fantasy were added; all lacunae filled; all “unnecessary” characters removed. If a priceless experience of communication face-to-face were turned into a product ready for consumption. Unfortunately (or luckily), I have neither time nor inner resource for that.

It’s a diary – as frank as one can discreetly allow himself to be frank in a public place. That’s why it can be chaotic from time to time and lack explanations. It’s a diary of my getting in touch with the-world-inside, with a “second reality”, or the World of Dreams, if you wish. This phenomenon has a whole lot of names. For those who still can’t get what it is all about: I could compare this experience with a lucid dream or, loosely speaking, with maybe a role-playing game.

Obviously, I don’t “teleport” anywhere physically. I see all the events with my “inner vision”. All the conversations take place in the “space of mind”. What differs it from simple fantasizing is that anything that has already happened cannot be changed or rewritten afterwards, the events are never revoked for anyone who participates in them. The people from “the second reality” all have a will of their own, and my main task is to hear them as they are, and not my own interpretation.

In this space I have access to quite a lot of facilities such as telepathy (however, it would be better described as a “mind-phone”), teleportation, the ability to resurrect the dead and to materialize objects. And even to tune different speed of time flow in different locuses.

However, my abilities in perceiving information and the speed of thinking are limited just as they are in the first reality. I can’t be an all-knowing genius psychologist; I am not aware of the contents of every book in the world; etc. Alas! To have the knowledge of something requires

from me letting it reach through myself, which takes time. Even in the world where I am theoretically almighty. Also, I can’t use certain forms of communication that are available to my friends from “the second reality”. For instance, I can’t be a part of the hayns’ telepathic network because analyzing and interpreting such a load of data is a back breaking task for me as I am here.

And, of course, there is no guessing or predicting what comes next, no plot-twists planned beforehand here. It’s the same thing as the fact that I never know what will happen to me the next day in the world we all live in.

Together with “film characters” there are also my companions from the Created Worlds. As a child I never divided characters into “original” and those from other universes: I had a lot of stories of my own but still everything that touched me was reflected in the Created Worlds, too. I didn’t know the word “fanfiction” then, and I believe it was for the best: the only natural form of interaction with the characters I loved was communication and not just observation. And it was exactly this communication that I valued, and not the chance to write a nice story.

As time passed, under the pressure of public opinion I came to think that it is somewhat improper. That any “true author” must work only with originals, while this awkward part of life is to be lived silently, without showing it to others (or perhaps even better to forget and erase it at all even for yourself). It took quite some time to grow out of this prejudice and turn to my real self again. To accept that this part is as important for my life as anything else.

It has become more complicated since then but I am undoubtedly happier now. And I can’t imagine my life without getting to know and interacting with Zander from “Logan” or David from “Alien: Covenant”. This very part of story (“A scout’s daily life”) is mostly about meeting David but “The X-Friends” is a direct prequel to it. I hope that this part of my life will someday be translated, too, now it is available only in Russian. To be brief, it’s about how with Harro and Panther (my old friends from “the second reality”) I resurrected Wolverine who died in “Logan” together with Xavier and others who were killed in the film – both heroes and villains. Unexpectedly, I interacted most with the person I liked least – Zander Rice, “the evil doctor”. Most of these people now live in an artificial locus – we call it the Institute. All these events will be referred to in my story.

For whom and for what purpose am I writing this? First of all, for myself, and I am not at all kidding: to preserve these memories and to read it again recalling such important experience is devilish nice! Next, it’s for those with whom I discuss our adventures and misfortunes personally or in a closed diary. This enables full-pledged feedback, discussing acute problems and a chance to ask for advice and get help both for myself and for my friends from “the second reality”. Obviously, no “likes” in social networks or talks about the plot, writing style and characters could never replace this.

Finally, it’s a letter to those with similar experience, including the experience of sincere, lively interaction with the inhabitants of their own World of Dreams and the characters from books, films and other. There is no aim to gain any practical benefit or popularity or to make it a literary work. It’s just that I can’t imagine my life without it.

Such things are rarely spoken of, and someone has to choose being frank and outspoken instead of hiding in his wardrobe.

As I am fully aware that the author himself portrayed in his work and possessing nearly infinite possibilities is for many people a kind of red flag or even a diagnosis, I decided to be honest – to give a warning in the beginning and not wreck my nerves in confrontation with such people. I don’t see anything bad in big possibilities at all. They are just instruments that help in life and work.

During my interaction with “the second reality” I don’t fulfill quests or save the world. I only try to make all the life of all creatures I meet a little better using my power and experience. I talk and I watch them. I don’t hide behind the mask; I honestly inform my companions about who I am and where I come from, in case there are any questions. To those I speak personally with I frankly tell about myself, the world I live in and the events that take place in my life.

I want to underline it once more: writing in the first person is not a literary device. The “me” in the text is actually me. Just as I am.

That’s why I hope sincerely that this story will never be written to the end. Don’t look for refined style here; thank God if I have at least some time to write it down. This is not a literary work; I never claim it to be art.

Yes, I do live there – some part of me does. Yes, I do have almost unrestrained powers there, and not only I do. Still the priority is interacting and helping while the “superpowers” are just convenient instruments. There are quite a number of such instruments: resurrecting the dead, materializing objects, telepathy and teleportation. It’s convenient – the same way as a mobile phone, the internet and the ambulance are for us. And the attitude is the same, too: we can, so we use it.

Yes, there will be lacunae and original characters taking part in some episodes. Some fragments of the text are too personal for me or for my companions to be published. There will be little explanation sometimes, however you can always ask questions. And, theoretically, there’s not just me to be asked but also other people taking part in the events. Your reaction can also become part of the story – at least David does read the comments. Will that part be important? Well, depends on the reaction.

***

So, if you are not scared away by this foreword I am glad to meet you as one of my readers. This part of the story is about David from “Alien: Covenant”, whom I consider to be an amazing guy. Yes, he is cruel, and yes, he has made a lot of mistakes, and still he is amazing. Strong, free, determined, with indestructible self-respect. He taught me a lot and I regret nothing after I met him and talked to him, even though I had to snap out of this reality for the whole spring and summer.

There are people who are worth it.

There are people who change everything.